


Ludwig E. Boltzmann Holtzmann

by TheSignsOfGay



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, The gaybusters all being happy as a squad, it's gay isn't that why you're here?, only uploading this for Gee I hate you dude, then it falls apart a bit because I'm an asshole, this'll probably be a rollercoaster of angst and then happiness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-23 01:49:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8309119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSignsOfGay/pseuds/TheSignsOfGay
Summary: Continuation from that basset hound deleted scene. Holtzmann finds a puppy in an alley. Cute times but also angst ensue.





	1. Ludwig E. Boltzmann Holtzmann

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally 100% trash. There'll be more chapters coming eventually and they'll be happy by the end hopefully (maybe).

“We gotta get out there, we gotta get something to eat, we gotta find that basset hound.” Holtzmann drawled, lifting an eyebrow in confusion as Erin shook her head.

“Yeah, I-I’ll just see you guys tomorrow.” She said, her voice shaking slightly, eyes fixed on the floor. _Upset._ Holtzmann decided and watched as Erin walked away. There was a tense silence, then the sound of the door slamming shut shook the lab and Patty and Abby exchanged a glance which Holtzmann couldn’t quite decode before they went their separate ways, leaving the blonde sat alone.

She felt like being alone should bother her - so many people complain about always being alone, about feeling lonely - but, sometimes, Holtzmann just needed a few hours to herself, to work on her new toys, to think.

And of course, to dance.

There was something strangely therapeutic to her about dancing, the way the music flooded her body and worked its way into the very fibres of her being, the way her body just moved, with no real agenda, no purpose. It gave her something to do when she wasn’t doing anything. Since she was a kid, she always had to be doing something at all times - tapping her foot, building something, dancing, twisting a piece of wire, just _something_. It calmed her, helped her focus.

So she pressed play on her CD player.

 _“_ _Desert loving in your eyes all the way, if I listened to your lies would you say…”_

A grin grew on Holtzmann’s lips and spread to her eyes as she jumped to her feet, grabbing a prototype for a mini ectoplasmic pistol she’d been working on for weeks and joining in with the track. “ _I'm a maaaaaan without convictiooon, I'm a maaaaaan who doesn't knoooow, how to seeell a contradictioooon, you come and goooo, you come and gooooo…”_ She jumped up onto her desk (kicking over assorted unidentified metal objects in the process) in the short silence in the song, before throwing herself completely into the chorus. “ _Karma karma karma karma karma chameleooon, you come and gooo,”_ she launched herself off the desk and landed confidently on her feet, before beginning to kick her feet, alternately, forward with the Holtzmann-esque swagger she always had, “ _you come and goooooo...”_ Her hand followed the pitch as she sang “go”, “ _loving would be easy if your colours were like my dreeeaaam, red gold and greeen, red gold and greeeeeeen…”_ She strutted in a circle, arms outstretched, eyes closed, knocking over two water bottles and an old computer she’d found in the trash, then grinned to herself and sat down as the chorus retreated back into the verse, furrowing her brow and focusing on fixing the miniature ectoplasmic pistol, whilst whispering the words under her breath.

Her idea was that the mini ectoplasmic pistol (or “slime blower” as she’d come to call it) would project ectoplasm at ghosts in a sort of fire extinguisher style spray. She was, however, struggling with finding a way to make the ectoplasm actually harm the ghosts, but it was fun to spray stuff nonetheless. Logically, if a proton beam could destroy a negatively charged ectoplasmic entity (as it did in the proton packs) then she could surely find a way to harness and incorporate such energy into the slime blower-

“ _Karma karma karma karma karma chameleoooon-”_ And she was up dancing again.

Hours later, when she’d run out of music to listen (and dance) to, she chose to sit in silence, deciding that perhaps it would help her concentrate. That was when she heard a whimpering outside. It was a dog, she knew that from the moment the sound hit her ears - it didn’t sound like Mike Hat, but it could have been, so she grabbed some of the dog treats that Kevin kept in his desk, trudged downstairs and into the alleyway. “Mike?” She frowned when the whimpering continued and Mike Hat didn’t come out from behind the trashcan it was coming from so she walked closer. “Mike?” Again, the usually hyperactive dog didn’t appear, so she peeked her head around the trashcan and found a basset hound, just a puppy, curled up, shaking. Her heart filled with a strange warmth and she grabbed a dog treat from her pocket and extended it to the puppy, who consumed it instantly, then raised its eyes to beg for more. Holtzmann’s concern melted away into a grin as she fed the dog, before gently picking it up, wrapping it in her jacket to keep it warm and carrying it back to the lab. She gently laid it down on the floor and ran to find a blanket that she could fold into a bed for the dog. On returning, she couldn’t help but grin as the puppy had found its way to the ghost trap, next to which it had curled up for the warmth.

_Just like Erin._

The thought took her aback - what exactly about this dog was just like Erin? Perhaps that it liked to be in close proximity to the ghost trap because the radiation was nice, warm?

Or maybe-

Surely it couldn’t be.

Perhaps the _adorable_ eyes and big floppy ears reminded her or Erin’s eyes and Erin’s dumb adorable floppy hair.

Of course not.

Holtzmann shook the thought from her brain and lifted the puppy into her arms, before shifting it to cradle it with one arm and lay out the bed with the other. It was a difficult and time consuming task but she managed it and found herself sitting, with her back against the wall, beside the bed, stroking the puppy who’d whine and whimper endlessly if she moved. So she curled up protectively around the dog and stayed there until it fell asleep, and for the rest of the night.

 

\---

 

Soaking wet (it had rained whilst she’d been on her walk) and drained, Erin stumbled into the lab at 3am. Pulling her shirt off and rummaging through the wardrobe for something to wear, she stumbled on a large, battered sweatshirt that wasn’t hers, but she was too tired and too cold to care. It was only when she pulled it over her head and was surrounded by the smell of Holtzmann that she realised whose it was. She felt like she should take it off - she still didn’t know Holtzmann very well, even though they’d met months ago. However, as she curled up on the couch, she found that sleep came easily when surrounded by the smell of the other woman. She felt safe with Holtzmann close by and fell asleep without fear.

 

\---

 

“Since when do we have a dog?” Abby called as she walked into the lab the next morning and was greeted by the puppy jumping at her, then running back to Holtzmann and licking the blonde’s face to wake her, almost as if it was trying to protect its owner. Groggily, Holtzmann rubbed her eyes and sat upright, groaning and patting her lap for the dog to jump up.

“Since yesterday.”

“Is it safe to have a dog here?”

“Mike Hat’s here all the time.”

Abby sighed, “Erin won’t like this.”

“Did she come back last night or is she-” Holtzmann’s speech trailed off as her eyes fell upon Erin curled up on the couch, wearing her Oxford sweater, “wow…” she whispered, and had to force herself to take a breath.

“Yeah, wow, what does she always tell you about sleeping in the lab? Hypocrite.” Abby joked, seemingly oblivious, and went to wake Erin, but Holtzmann grabbed her arm and shook her head.

“Leave her.”

Abby nodded, “Do you want a coffee?”

“Triple shot espresso, she’ll have a skinny cappuccino.”

After Abby left, Holtzmann sighed, looked down at the puppy in her lap and muttered, “You look like Ludwig Boltzmann.” Then a grin grew on her lips and spread up to her eyes, a dimple forming in her right cheek, “Ludwig E. Boltzmann-Holtzmann.” Wagging its tail, the puppy began bouncing up at her, trying to lick her face. “I’m guessing you like that.”

“What does the E stand for?” Erin’s voice shocked Holtzmann and she froze, every muscle in her body tensing momentarily before forcefully adopting her usual cool exterior.

“E for everything you want.” She retorted, glancing over at the dishevelled girl wearing her hoodie and oh, God, if that wasn’t the most attractive thing Holtzmann had ever seen... Straight girls seemed to have a habit of fucking with Holtzmann’s head like this and as Erin stood, and revealed that she was only wearing the hoodie and a pair of _lacy black pants_ , Holtzmann had never been more attracted to anyone.

“He’s certainly cute.” Erin said, and blushed when she realised she was only wearing pants and a hoodie, tugging the hoodie down to try to cover herself up a little more.

“ _She._ ” Holtzmann corrected, dragging her gaze away from Erin, which was increasingly difficult, the closer Erin got.

“She’s called Ludwig?”

“Yessir.”

“You’re a nut job.” Erin sat down clumsily beside Holtzmann and reached for Ludwig E. Boltzmann Holtzmann, lifting her into her lap.

“Is that a surprise to you?” Erin just shook her head and smiled down at the dog. “It’s Boltz for short.” Holtzmann added, leaning over to Boltz and petting her gently to calm her nerves. To be quite honest, she wasn’t quite sure who’s nerves she was actually aiming to calm - her own or the dog’s.

“Gorgeous… beautiful. I love her.”

“Enough about me, the dog’s pretty cute too.”

Erin blushed a violent shade of red and laughed nervously, “shut up, Holtz.”

“Make me.” Holtzmann whispered, her breath tickling Erin’s ear, sending chills down her spine, before she hopped up and sat at her desk, busying (or distracting) herself with the slime blower. Rendered incapable of any form of intelligent communication, Erin just tried to focus solely on Boltz, petting her and frowning.

“She needs a wash. And we need to get her some food.” Holtzmann just shrugged and pulled a face that Erin took to mean “well I'm not doing it”.

It was warm in the lab, but Erin got shivers when Holtzmann looked at her and licked her lips slowly, before smirking and muttering, “I have _so_ much to do here, would _you_ go? I'll do _anything_...” She placed emphasis on “anything”, dragging it out and winking that wink which always managed to stop Erin’s heart and set her mind racing.

“O-of course,” Erin managed to whisper, voice hoarse, before placing the puppy down, gently, and hopping up to leave. On the way out, she bumped into Abby who, confusedly, offered her the cappuccino (which she took, before running off down the stairs).  

“So I just had a strange encounter.”

“Ghost?” Holtzmann drawled, lifting her eyes from her work but not moving anything else.

“Erin, bright red, flustered. Is Kevin in yet?”

“He’s got the day off.” Holtzmann stopped working, lifted her head and grinned, before adding, “he’s going to the water park then getting an ice cream with his mum and dad.” She pressed her lips together tightly to stifle the snicker, but when she heard Abby laugh, Holtzmann lost it.

“He’s a strange man-boy.”

“All men are strange.”

“Well of course _you’d_ think that.” Abby said pointedly, pulling a chair up to Holtzmann’s workspace, setting her triple espresso down and grinning as she noticed the puppy had curled up and was sleeping in Holtzmann’s lap as she worked. “It is a cute dog.” Holtzmann nodded, glancing down at the puppy and smiling. “What’s his name?”

“ _Her_ .” She said, for the second time that day, exasperation rising in her - it was _obviously_ a girl. “Ludwig E. Boltzmann Holtzmann.”

“E for Erin?” Abby said and the blonde fell silent, her entire body tensing up, breath shaking, palms growing clammy.

“N-no.” She stammered, and kicked herself for betraying the version of herself she’d built over the years, the personality she’d adopted. “E for Eduard.”

“Of course, my dear.” It was silent, and tense for a few moments, and Abby could see that Holtzmann was uncomfortable, so she changed the subject to something Holtzmann always felt comfortable talking about - her “toys”. “So what’s this?” She gestured to the slime blower and smiled to herself as Holtzmann’s eyes lit up and she grinned, a little dimple forming in her right cheek.

“Miniature ectoplasmic pistol.”

“Shoots slime back at the ghosts?”

“Indeedy. They spunk on us, we spunk on them.”

“Solid plan.”

“One itty bitty problem, however, is the lack of, um, damage it’ll do to the ghosts in question.”

“How much damage?”

“I mean, imagine getting jizz all over your face. It's likely to be unpleasant but won't harm.”

“Ah. You need to find a way to incorporate the idea of the proton packs into the slime gun.”

“Bingo.” Holtzmann was silent for a moment, then stood, raised her arms above her head, clasped her hands together and stretched her back, before grabbing the triple espresso and downing it in one, opening her mouth to make an exaggerated “ach” sound, shuddering as the hot coffee burned her mouth.

“You’re an idiot, Holtzy.”

“You love me.”

“Of course, how could I not?”

Holtzmann could think of a thousand reasons but just shrugged and smiled.

“Why’s Erin wearing your sweater?” Abby enquired, not pushing, just curious.

“Can’t get enough of me.” Abby lifted a brow and waited for Holtzmann to continue. “No idea, I think she got in late last night, threw it on.”

“Is that it?”

“Abby she’s straight.”

The door clicked shut and Holtzmann’s head shot up to look in its direction. “Who’s straight?” Erin asked, strolling over towards them, a carrier bag in either hand.

“The Queen of England.” Holtzmann shot back instantly, and Abby bit her lip to stop herself from laughing.

“Why are you even arguing about that?”

Abby snorted, but Holtzmann managed to keep it cool. “Abby said she wanted the Queen as her sugar mommy.”

“Good plan.”

“Thank you!” Abby chimed in, sticking her tongue out at Holtzmann as if that really was the topic of their previous conversation.

“You know who I want as my sugar mommy-”

“Ew! Can we stop saying sugar mommy? It's so gross.” Abby interrupted Erin.

“Grosser than ghost jizz all over your face?” Holtzmann questioned, smirking at her own comment, obviously finding herself hilarious.

“Abby’s pretty used to having jizz all over her face.” Patty’s voice filled the room and the three scientists turned to find her in the doorway, three jumpsuits slung over her shoulder. “I heard we’ve got a new member of the club. Where is she? I got small, medium and large.” She gestured to the uniforms on her shoulder. Holtzmann, Abby and Erin just grinned as Patty walked over to see Boltz asleep in Holtz’s lap.

“Patty, meet Ludwig Boltzmann Holtzmann. She's our newest Ghost Buster.”

Something about what Holtzmann had said was completely and utterly hilarious to Patty and she lost it, doubling over and laughing hysterically. “Bitch, I love you.” She managed, before muttering to herself “Boltzmann Holtzmann, goddamn beautiful nerd with her rhyming shit”, tears beginning to roll down her face. Holtzmann just watched her quizzically, stroking Boltz’s ears and occasionally shifting her glance to Erin, who, she was vaguely aware, was watching her. When Holtzmann caught Erin staring, finally, Erin blushed brightly and looked at her feet. That's when she realised-

“Fuck!” Erin growled to herself, or what she thought was to herself.

“What’s up buttercup?” Holtzmann questioned, trying to balance the puppy on her shoulder and failing terribly - fear shooting across her face any time Boltz wobbled even slightly.

“I went to the store. In this.”

“Ah, well, I mean, yes you did.” Pressing her lips together tightly, Holtzmann attempted to stifle a laugh, but when Patty began laughing again, she lost it. It took twenty minutes for them to calm down.

“Real mature, guys.”

“Love you, Erin!” Patty called as Erin turned away from them and walked off to find some trousers to wear.

“You’re not my least favourite person in the world!” Holtzmann added, grinning as Erin poked her head round the corner and stuck her middle finger up at them.

It was nearing 6 o’clock when they decided they should do something, Abby suggested they all go out for dinner but Holtzmann was reluctant to leave Boltz alone, so declined. She decided she’d take the puppy on a walk, then work until the others came back to the lab.

 

\---

 

It was nearing midnight when they got back, Abby and Patty on either side of Erin, holding her up as she giggled and staggered from side to side, all of them obviously drunk. Holtzmann’s eyes widened, then she lifted her index finger to her mouth, to quieten them - Boltz had only just fallen asleep. Patty and Abby set Erin down on the sofa, then decided they’d go get some sleep and that Erin would be fine with sleeping there. Holtzmann’s heart began to race as they left. She did not want to be alone with Erin right now.

“Holtzy…” Erin slurred, sitting upright on the sofa.

“Mmm?” Although trying to seem uninterested, Holtzmann couldn’t help but stare at the drunk girl sitting across the room from her.

“Have you ever kissed a girl?”

“My dear, I’ve kissed many a girl in my hundreds of years as a human female.” Erin looked confused and cocked her head to one side (and Holtzmann could’ve screamed it was so cute). “Yes, I have.” Holtzmann clarified, blushing slightly but hiding it by looking down at her new project - a ghost grenade. “Why?”

“I never have.”

“That's lovely.” Was all Holtzmann could say, anxiety seizing her vital organs one by one - part of her knew what was about to happen, part of her was convinced that it wasn't about to happen.

“Kiss me.” When Holtzmann looked up at Erin again, she was stood on the other side of Holtzmann’s desk and Holtzmann could smell the alcohol on her, mingled with that smell that was so unmistakably _Erin._ And Holtzmann had never wanted anything more than she wanted to oblige.

“Erin, you're drunk-” She tried but Erin cut her off.

“Don't try that with me Holtz, I know what I'm doing.” Despite the slight slur in her voice, Erin did seem to know what she wanted and what she wanted… Was Holtzmann.

Hesitantly, Holtzmann stood and walked over to Erin. She stood close, but not too close and waited, looking the other girl up and down, then biting her lip and whispering, “are you sure?” Erin nodded. Almost immediately, Holtzmann’s hand was on Erin’s cheek. It was shaking, Erin noted, and surprisingly cold. As they stood there, Holtzmann’s heart pounded and she was sure Erin could hear it, but even if she did, Erin just stayed still; waiting. So Holtzmann leaned in and, closing her eyes, pressed her lips against Erin’s. There was a sort of desperation in her actions, her hand moved from the girl’s cheek to her hair and she breathed in through her nose as though trying to ground herself through breathing consciously. She stepped forward, not breaking the kiss, until her body was pressed against the physicist’s, her other hand lifting to rest on the back of Erin’s neck. Erin smelt so good and her lips were so soft and she was so warm and the way her lips moved put Holtzmann in heaven and, for a moment, she couldn't breathe and she didn't need to. Because all she needed was Erin, all she’d ever needed was Erin, all she would ever need was Erin. And, oh god, her heart fluttered as Erin’s hands rested on the bottom of her spine, pulling her closer, urging her closer, _begging_ for her to be closer. Realising how caught up in the kiss she’d got, Holtzmann pulled away and looked at her feet.

And then she felt Erin’s finger under her chin, lifting it, and then Erin’s lips were pressed firmly against hers and Holtzmann pushed the physicist back towards the sofa and they fell onto it together, Holtzmann on top of Erin, a leg either side of her waist. It was Erin who initiated it every time the kiss was deepened, and Holtzmann felt it best to keep it that way - she wouldn't push Erin into anything she wasn't comfortable with. But when Erin’s hands gripped Holtzmann’s shirt collar and pulled her closer, then whispered “I want you” in her ear Holtzmann fell apart. Holtzmann had never wanted anything more than to be closer, always closer, to the girl below her, and she lowered her lips to Erin’s neck, kissing it gently at first, then, when Erin tipped her head back and a husky, breathy moan escaped her kiss-bruised lips, Holtzmann couldn't control herself and bit down, eliciting another moan from Erin. In that moment, nothing mattered but the two of them, and, with Erin’s hands knotted tightly in her hair, Holtzmann paused for a moment, smiled to herself, then began to suck on Erin’s neck. After a few moments she pulled away and ran her shaking fingers over the deep red mark she'd made.

She knew Erin wouldn't want her after tonight. She knew Erin wouldn't want her if she was sobre. Erin was just lonely. And Holtzmann, however selfish it was, wanted something to remind her of this for a few days, before Erin left the team or ignored her or began to hate her. A tangible memory, something she could see, touch.

But she knew she couldn't take this any further than it had already gone. So, regaining her thoughts from wanting to fuck Erin until she couldn't see straight, she stood up and tried to walk away but felt Erin grab her wrist.

“Holtz...”

“You're drunk.”

“So?”

“I won't take advantage of you.”

“No, you won't. Because I know what I want. It doesn't matter that I'm drunk.” Erin stood up and pulled Holtzmann close, her breath hot on the blonde’s face, the smell of alcohol burning Holtzmann’s nose.

“Yes it does.”

“Why?”

“It just fucking does.”

"Why?"

“Because you might want this now but what about when you're sobre? When _Kevin’s_ around? When you stop feeling so lonely all the time? What about when you remember that you're straight and you aren't so horny anymore?” Holtzmann’s voice was a shout by this point, she'd stepped back and, although she was practically screaming at her, Erin had never broken eye contact. Her voice was barely a whisper when she continued, “It's not supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to happen like this.”

“Holtzmann!” Erin shouted as the blonde pulled her arm free and walked away. “I want _you_. I need you.”

Holtzmann had never wanted anything more, never _needed_ anything more, but she called back plainly, “Yeah, well, I don't want you.” And her heart broke as she imagined the look on Erin’s face.

 

\---

 

It took Holtzmann five hours to fall asleep: she kept hearing Erin turning over in her sleep and thinking that maybe she was coming to kiss her. She kept shutting her eyes and seeing the bruise she'd left on Erin's neck, the colour of Erin’s lips - red and beautiful. She kept touching her own lips with pensive fingers, wishing Erin would come into her room and kiss her again. At six o'clock, Holtzmann swung her legs around and got out of bed. She hadn't slept. She regretted it but she didn't intend to rectify it by napping now. She had work to do.

As she walked through from her room to the lab, she saw Erin, asleep on the sofa and her heart stopped. It was risky, it was dumb, oh so dumb, but Holtzmann ran back into her own room, grabbed a blanket and then ran back. She lowered the blanket over the sleeping girl and, out of sheer impulse, she leant down and kissed her forehead, before wandering off to walk Boltz and grab a coffee.

 

\---

 

Erin woke up surrounded by the smell of the girl who'd rejected her the night before. Her head was pounding but she could remember last night in vivid detail. And she wished she'd made Holtzmann stay.

It was only when she opened her eyes and found that she was wrapped in Holtzmann’s blanket that she understood why everything smelt like the blonde, a smile grew on her face and she buried her face in the scent. “Holtz…” She sighed, eyes shutting and almost allowing herself to fall asleep again.

“At your service.”

Erin stood up like a shot, throwing the blanket to the ground and going bright red. “Oh, um, hey. How are ya’?” She said, trying to feign indifference.

“I'm great. How was your sleep? I got you a coffee and walked Boltz…” She paused and was nearly pulled over as Boltz tried to free himself, “Who is clearly very excited to see you.” She gestured down at the puppy who was tugging on the lead, trying to get closer to Erin.

“I'm good. My sleep was good.” Erin crouched down and took Boltz off his lead, then picked him up in her arms.

“Excellent. I must ask, before I forget,” Holtzmann paused, Erin’s heart skipped - would it be about the night before? - and Holtzmann continued, “Abby wants to know if you want to go play laser tag next Thursday.”

“Oh.” Erin sounded obviously disappointed. “Um yeah, count me in.” Holtz didn't even seem to recall one iota of what happened, or maybe she didn't really care about it - she had left after all.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” Erin looked away and, in doing so, accidentally exposed her neck to Holtzmann, who couldn’t resist lifting her hand to touch the mark she’d left there the night before. Her fingers were cold, and made Erin jump and a soft moan fell from Erin’s lips. When she’d realised what she’d just done she blushed fiercely and coughed in a pathetic attempt to mask it.

“Erin, I-”

“Don’t.”

“Look-”

“I said leave it.”

“Well you actually said don-”

“Shut up.” And Erin stormed out.

Holtzmann watched in confusion and, at that moment, Abby walked in.

“What’s Erin’s problem?”

“I fucked up.” Holtz confessed and Abby immediately knew what had happened. Abby had known about Holtz’s crush, before Holtz even knew. She knew Erin had wanted to experiment with girls in the past. And, to top it all off, she’d seen the hickey on Erin’s neck as she stormed out.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Holtzmann shook her head and sat on the sofa, pulling her legs up to her chest and resting her chin on her knees. She reminded Abby of a child sometimes - vulnerable, emotionally immature.

“Holtzy,” sighing, Abby sat beside her best friend and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Erin doesn’t hate you.”

“Does.”

“What happened, buddy?”

“She was drunk. Asked if I’d ever kissed a girl. I was like yeah obviously I’m gay. She kissed me. I didn’t want to take advantage of her when she was drunk. I told her I didn’t want her.”

“You’re a colossal idiot.”

“I know.”

“But I would’ve done the same thing. You did the right thing, Holtzy, I’m proud of you.”

“Doesn’t feel like I did.”

“I’ll talk to Erin.”

"Thank you." Holtzmann smiled weakly, so Abby squeezed her shoulders and just smiled back.


	2. Coconut, Salt and Lingering Smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of this references deleted scenes or takes lines from them because I'm highly uncreative. Comment or leave a kudos if you like this. It'll probably end up as some angsty fic with a load of unnecessary but very gay chapters so look forward to that xx

Erin wasn't really sure where she was going, she just knew she had to get out of the lab. She’d grabbed Boltz on the way out but had forgotten his lead, so she was carrying him. They were heading in the general direction of the park and, after about ten minutes, Erin set her mind on going there. Frustration was making every muscle in her body tense and all she wanted was to scream, or to _kill_ Holtzmann, or to fuck her.

Quite honestly, Erin wasn’t sure what she wanted - part of her wanted revenge on Holtzmann for leaving her that night, to embarrass Holtzmann the same way she’d been embarrassed but, deep down, she didn’t really want to do either of those things. Of course, she’d always theorised about experimentations with women, always wanted to kiss a girl or date a girl, and _of course,_ since the first time she’d met Holtz, there had been this bubbling curiosity deep in the pit of her stomach. She’d just put it down to a scientific curiosity into the mind of such a _brilliant_ engineer, such an eccentric character. But that didn’t seem accurate anymore. Because last night, she lay on the sofa and even after Holtz was gone, she could still feel her lips on her body. Even after Holtz was gone, she could feel Holtz’s presence.`

But when she watched Holtzmann dance or work or when Holtzmann winked, she felt something she’d only ever felt a few times before and that feeling twisted tight in her chest.

“Watch yourself!” A man shouted immediately before she walked into a lamppost. Everything suddenly went blurry and hazy and Erin decided that it was safest for her to sit down immediately. So she collapsed onto the floor.

“Hey! Are you okay?” She heard as she came to, opening her eyes despite her pounding headache to see a tall, dark haired man crouching in front of her, holding Boltz in his arms. “You saved the pup at least. He’s not even phased, are ya’ buddy?” He said, smiling and placing Boltz in Erin’s arms as she managed to get a grip on reality again.

“Thanks.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah I’m good, I-I’m great.” Erin stammered, standing up, using the lamppost to help her back to her feet. Once fully stood, she wobbled and nearly dropped Boltz, but the man grabbed her just in time.

“Woah,” he laughed and offered a hand to help her, placing Boltz on the floor in the process, “can I walk you to a bench at least?” She nodded silently, focusing on dulling the throbbing coming from her forehead, and he wrapped an arm around her waist and moved her arm to around his shoulders. “So, thinking about your boyfriend?” He inquired as they began to walk in the direction of the park, switching between looking at Erin and checking that Boltz was following.

“Don’t have one.” Erin muttered.

“Oh okay. So what’s got you so distracted?” The two of them collapsed onto a bench in the park and the man took out his phone to type a quick text, before leaning down to stoke Boltz, who was jumping at his leg. “Cute dog by the way.”

“Nothing. And thanks.” Erin said coldly, unsure what the man’s intentions were, and quickly picked up Boltz and let him curl up on her lap.

“Come on, what do you think I’m going to do? I’m not coming onto you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

She shrugged and focused on stroking Boltz’s ears.

“Erin?” A familiar voice came from across the park and Erin’s eyes shot up.

“Kevin! Hey!” She grinned. “Why are you here?”

“You know Kev?” Grinning, the man looked at Kevin (who was running towards them), then back at Erin.

“Yeah, how do you know him?”

“Hey babe,” Kevin said, softly, as he reached them, and leant down to kiss the man on the cheek, “this is Erin, she works at that ghost thing I do. Erin, this is Cody.” He didn’t explain the relation.

“Weird Erin!” The man looked from Erin, back to Kevin, “She seems normal to me.”

Changing the subject, Erin enquired, “Hey, weren’t you out with your parents all day?”

“Cody told me to meet him here before we get food.”

“Okay.” Erin smiled at both of them - part of her was surprised that Kevin was possibly dating this man, but part of her wasn’t. That was when Kevin noticed Boltz.

“Oh my god! What’s her name? When did you get her?” He exclaimed, crouching down to pet the puppy.

“Boltz.” Grinning, Erin watched as Kevin interacted with the puppy for a few seconds before, suddenly, he stood up. She found it strangely amusing and heartwarming that Kevin had been the only one who’d picked up that Boltz was a girl - even Abby had thought she was a boy.

“I _have_ to go get Mike!” And he ran off.

Cody shot Erin an apologetic look before he turned his eyes back to watching Kevin run off, until Kevin had safely crossed the road, then moved his attention back to Erin. “Sorry, did you want to talk about whatever was distracting you?”

Erin suddenly felt herself trusting this man a whole lot more - if he took his time to care for Kevin and ensure Kevin didn’t accidentally kill himself, it didn’t matter what his relationship with Kevin was, he couldn’t be terrible. He waited patiently whilst she attempted to formulate a coherent sentence. “So, there’s this girl,” casting her eyes to watch Cody’s reaction, Erin paused; when Cody made eye contact and smiled, she continued, “we work together. She’s- I don’t know. I was drunk last night. We-” Erin trailed off and brushed her fingers absentmindedly over the hickey.

“And? Do you like her?”

“She’s my friend.”

“No, but do you _like_ her?” 

“I don’t know.” Erin admitted, looking down at Boltz and smiling as she opened her mouth wide and yawned a tiny puppy yawn, before falling asleep in Erin’s lap.

“Tell me about her.” Cody prompted, reaching over and gently scratching behind Boltz’s ear, focusing on the dog so Erin felt more comfortable opening up.

“She’s a scientist. She builds all our equipment. She’s so smart and so _so_ strange. She makes me laugh because she’s weird as hell. She understands my work and she has this thing she does when someone’s talking and she’s genuinely interested or curious where she kind of rests her elbow on her knee and her chin on the palm of her hand and kind of just strokes her jaw and neck. I think it’s like a sensory thing for her, like, because she’s always moving, always tapping a foot or dancing, but when she’s actually interested, she still moves, just more subtly. I think it’s so whoever she’s talking to doesn’t think she’s bored, you know? I don’t know. She has crazy wild hair and this little dimple in her right cheek when she smiles. And her lips are so soft, and her hands are so gentle - I didn’t expect that. She treated me like I was made of glass. I mean, I guess she didn’t want to take advantage of me because I was drunk, but… I don’t know. She flirts with everyone so I don’t think she likes me and I’m pretty sure she only kissed me because I asked her to and she didn’t want to upset me but-”

“Hey,” Cody interrupted, meeting her eye and smiling, “You  _do_ like her.”

“I do?”

“Did you just hear yourself?”

“I mean, I-”

A distant yelp of “Mike!” interrupted Erin before she should continue and she raised her eyes to see a golden labrador puppy darting towards them and Kevin, running after it. The dog got to them long before Kevin did and began to lick at Cody’s face, but Cody didn’t seem to mind. “Hey Mikey,” he laughed, scratching behind the dog’s ears, “did you run away from Kevvy?” Erin just laughed and, at that moment, her phone rang. Abby.

“Hey, Abs, what’s up?”

“ _We need to chat. Where are you?”_

“Tribeca Park.”

“ _See you in five._ ” And the line cut off.

By the time Erin had emerged from her state of thorough confusion, Boltz was no longer in her lap and was, instead, joining Mike Hat in climbing all over Kevin whilst Kevin rolled around in the grass, hysterical. He truly was a strange man-boy. She allowed herself to drift in and out of her own thoughts until Abby arrived.

“Erin, hey.” Abby panted, sitting beside her.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Doesn’t matter.” She paused momentarily, before pitching her question bluntly, “What went down with you and Holtzmann?”

“N-nothing.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Erin, she told me.”

“ _Bitch_.” Erin hissed.

“Okay, let’s not do that. Holtz is my best friend. Don’t- just don’t do that.”

“Sorry.”

“Why are you being all weird with her?” Abby’s voice got quieter as she cast a glance over at Kevin, Cody, Mike and Boltz all playing together. “Is that Kevin’s-”

“Boyfriend, I think.”

“Cool.” Abby shrugged then returned to quizzing Erin. “Why’re you being weird with Holtzy?”

“She pretended like last night didn’t happen, then she touched my neck… I’m just confused. She doesn’t like me like _that_ anyway.”

“Hold up,” lifting a brow and looking Erin dead in the eye, “you don’t think Holtz likes you?”

Erin shrugged.

“She flirts with you. Constantly.”

“Does she?”

“You are so oblivious.” There was a momentary silence, in which Kevin’s giggles entertained Abby thoroughly as she watched him playing with the puppies. “Do you like her?”

“I don’t know. I’m not gay. I-”

“Erin shut your face, you practically dated Charlotte Holmes for like three months before she tried to kiss you and you chickened out.”

“We weren’t dating! We were friends.”

“You used to cuddle _all the time_ . You were hell to go to the movies with because you’d just fall asleep on her shoulder. It was _so_ gay.”

Erin frowned.

“I thought you knew!” Abby exclaimed.

“You could’ve told me!”

Shaking her head, Abby stood and walked over to Kevin, spreading her arms for Boltz to run to her, then scooping her up and carrying her, like a baby, back to Erin, much to Kevin’s dismay. “Do you wanna go back to the lab? We’re ordering pizza and watching a film.” Erin nodded and they began the walk back.

 

\---

 

When they reached the lab, smoke was pouring out of the windows and Erin immediately ran inside to find the source. Abby strolled in after her, grinning as she saw Holtz, covered in dust, swatting out a fire on her overalls.

“What happened?” Erin asked, frantically looking for the source.

“Weeeelll,” Holtzmann grinned, rocking from her toes to her heels and back, “I was looking at putting a little flame thrower type thing into the proton shotgun, you know - for fun. Soooo, I was playing with _that_ annnd, um,” she made eye contact with Erin and mimicked an explosion with her gloved hands, “ _kaboom_.”

“You idiot!”

“I think you mean genius.” Holtz corrected, pulling a gun-type thing from her back pocket and kissing it smugly. “Meet the proton flamethrower.”

“Okay, I think we need to just,” Erin took the gun from Holtz, “take the dangerous equipment off you.”

“Holtzy sorry.” Holtz said with a smirk, stepping closer to Erin, “Holtzy won’t do it again.”

Erin could feel the blonde’s breath on her face and Holtzmann’s eyes were locked on hers, only flickering occasionally to look at her lips and every time she stepped back, Holtzmann stepped with her, and Holtzmann’s right hand fell to rest on her waist and Holtzmann stepped even closer again, and just as Erin leant up to close the gap between their lips, Holtzmann grabbed the gun and twirled to face Abby.

“So, what pizzas are we getting?”

“Prick.” Erin muttered.

“I was thinking meat feast and a margarita.”

“Barbeque base on the margarita?”

“Obviously.”

“Abigail _Lucy_ Yates, I love you.” Holtzmann confessed, walking to her desk and grabbing a screwdriver to tinker with something on the gun.

“I love you too, my sweet.” Both of them grinned as Erin tried to recover her dignity. Then there was a tense silence and Abby added, “I’ll text Patty to meet me at Little Italy. I’ll go order now.” And she rushed out of the room.

The two scientists remaining said each other’s names at the same time and, after a momentary silence, Holtz looked down at her gun and muttered “you go”.

“Why did you say you didn’t want me?”

“Hmm?” Pretending to be uninterested, or just not paying attention, Holtz twisted her screwdriver a few times and there was a clatter as a piece of metal hit her desk.

“Don’t pull that shit with me. Not after last night.” Erin repeated her question, “Why did you turn me down?”

“Wasn’t supposed to happen like that.” Holtzmann’s voice was small - Erin had never heard her sounding so vulnerable - and she didn’t look up from her work.

“What?”

“It wasn’t supposed to happen like that.” She clarified, standing up and locking her eyes on Erin, her confidence had seemingly returned (or, as Erin suspected, she was overcompensating to make up for the brief slip in her facade).

“How was it _supposed_ to happen?”

Holtz walked until she was a few steps from Erin. Erin stepped back once, and Holtz followed her. Erin stepped back again and her back hit the wall. Holtz placed her hand on the wall just to the side of Erin’s head, just above her shoulder. “Like this. In the lab. Sober.”

Suddenly, Holtzmann was serious, and Erin had never been more attracted to her. There were no jokes, no puns - a new Holtzmann that she’d never seen. She oozed confidence, and Erin’s knees felt weak as Holtz placed a finger under her chin and lifted it, before lowering her own lips to millimeters away. “Just the two of us. I corner you. You can get away at any time if you want,” she paused and a smile crept across her lips, “but you don’t.” Then she paused again, the smile grew into a smirk. It felt mocking, smug. And Erin didn’t like to be mocked.

So she grabbed Holtzmann by the collar of her jacket and spun them, roughly pushing her against the wall and smirking that same smug smirk she’d just wiped from the engineer’s face. “You left me high and dry last night, why shouldn’t I do the same to you?”

“You could if you wanted. But, let me just say that last night,” Holtz said, her voice strained but still smug, dropping to a whisper as she continued, “I very much doubt you were _dry_ .” The words rolled off Holtz’s lips and Erin took a shaky breath to stop herself from giving in to her charms. But by the time she’d taken the breath, Holtz’s right hand was cupping her cheek and Holtz was looking at her with a look of utter admiration and Holtz bit her own lip anxiously, or maybe just to fuck with Erin’s head, and Erin nearly melted right there. “But of course,” Holtzmann said, standing up straighter and moving her hand from Erin’s cheek to the back of her neck, “feel free to argue.” Slowly, but confidently, Holtzmann pushed Erin’s hair behind her ear and leant closer, to whisper “unless you’d rather spend that time doing… other things”, then bit on Erin’s earlobe gently and tugged before kissing down along her jaw and up until she was millimeters away from Erin’s lips and then she stopped again, “arguing is _fun_ , but I’m sure you’d much rather-”

And Erin gripped Holtzmann’s jacket and pulled her the remaining millimetres and their lips met roughly, Erin’s sudden confidence (or desperation) eliciting a breathy moan from Holtzmann, who instantly began maneuvering them to the sofa, to pick up where they left off the night before.

This time, however, Erin was on top. And she used that to her full advantage. When Holtzmann wasn’t in control, she was louder, Erin noted to herself. When Holtzmann was in control, she could stay calm and collected the whole time, but the second Erin took charge, Holtz fell apart. Every time Erin lifted her lips from Holtz’s, the engineer’s entire upper body lifted off the sofa in a desperate attempt to reconnect the kiss. Quickly, Erin discovered exactly how Holtz liked to be kissed, where she liked to be touched. Nothing was escalating past kissing at this point, but occasionally, Erin would readjust her position and move her knee to between Holtzmann’s legs as an _experiment_ and would relish in the desperate whimpers escaping Holtzmann’s lips.

Knotting her hands in Holtzmann’s messy hair, she pulled her head to one side to expose her pale white neck and smirked sinfully as Holtzmann gasped again. Erin began her revenge work of art.

Without exaggeration or romanticisation, Holtzmann was in heaven. Coconut and salt and a hint of lingering smoke from the lab and _Erin_ was all she could smell. All she _wanted_ to smell. And her hands gripped at Erin’s back, desperate for more contact. The physicist on top of her had decided to limit the contact points between their bodies to just two - Erin’s lips on her neck, and the knee that was _dangerously_ close to making Holtzmann completely lose control.

She wanted Erin’s lips on her’s again. She wanted to kiss Erin until her lips were swollen and her hair was messy. She wanted to see Erin come undone and she wanted to feel the way Erin’s body moved as-

Patty’s voice interrupted her train of thought.

“Bitch what the fuck?”


	3. I Think I Already Have

Patty’s voice echoed through the lab and Erin immediately jumped off Holtz, who was left in a half comatose state, trying to process what had just happened.

It only took seconds for Holtz to return to her usual self and, with a smirk plastered to her face, she stood. “Where’s my pizza?”

“Why the fuck have you got an E on your neck in hickeys?” Then, muttering, Patty added, “What sort of kinky ass shit?”

Holtzmann turned to face Erin and lifted an eyebrow, as if to say “ _really_? Mature” and Erin just shrugged, a little sparkle in her eye.

They didn’t have to hide anything - they weren’t supposed to be secret - so Holtz walked over to the physicist and pressed their foreheads together gently, a smile forming on both scientist’s lips. “Hey.” Holtz muttered, suddenly nervous.

“Hey.” Responded Erin, lifting her chin to kiss Holtz gently, before stepping back and going bright red as she noticed Patty’s face.

“What the damn hell happened today that’s got you two all loved up?”

They both shrugged and Holtzmann kissed Erin’s cheek quickly before running over to Abby, who’d just entered, and grabbing one of the pizzas. “Which one’s mine?”

“The one you’ve got.” They set the pizzas down on the table and Patty and Erin walked over to join them. Erin sat opposite Holtz and next to Abby. Patty took up the last place, beside Holtz.

“Abby, did you know that these two are getting it on?”

With a mouthful of meat feast pizza, Abby responded with a quick, “wasn’t it obvious?”

“ _Damn_ ,” Patty said, grabbing a slice of Holtzmann’s before it was all eaten, “Patty’s always the last to know.”

“We love ya’ though. And it's only been going on since last night.” Abby reassured.

“Jesus,” Patty cast a glance at Holtz and Erin, “they're smitten.”

Meanwhile, completely oblivious to the conversation about them, Holtzmann was slowly working her foot up the inside of Erin’s leg whilst Erin kept her head bowed to hide the furious blush on her face. Fixed on Holtz’s face was the biggest grin Abby had ever seen grace the engineer’s lips and Abby couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride when Holtzmann looked over at her, mouth _full_ of pizza, and winked.

“They're cute.” Abby said, and Patty nodded.

“They are. But could they at least stop being what you call cute and what I call nearly fucking each other on the table at mealtimes and save it for-” she was interrupted by a breathy moan from Erin, “what the fuck?”

“Sorry. This pizza is just,” Erin tried to explain, but had to pause for a moment and take a shaky breath, “ _so_ damn good.”

“Holtz, as amusing as it is watching Patty lose her shit over you two, could you keep it PG for a bit?” Abby said, more of a statement than a request and Holtzmann realised that. She dropped her foot instantly and grinned up at her best friend, who just rolled her eyes and cast a glance at Erin, who was desperately trying to recompose herself.

The four fell into silence, and soon the pizza was all eaten and Boltz was whining and looking longingly at the door. Abby decided it would be best if Holtz and Erin took her out, so they could calm down and work out some boundaries, and so that her and Patty could tidy the lab a little before they went home for the night. She loved Holtz and Erin had been her friend since they were kids but she didn’t need to _ever_ be in the same room as them fucking or nearly fucking. Glancing up, she found Holtz lying on the floor with Boltz curled up on her stomach and Erin looking for Boltz’s lead, which she found down the side of the sofa.

“Let’s go.” Squatting down, Erin clipped the lead to Boltz and walked out of the door, Holtzmann hopping up, quickly doing her’s and Abby’s handshake with Abby and running out of the door to catch up with Erin. When she did, she fell into silent step beside the other girl and, after a moment, weaving her fingers with Erin’s.

It was dark out and the two walked quietly until they reached Tribeca park, where they sat together on the grass. Erin picked Boltz up and placed her in her lap. Facing forward, away from Holtz who was staring straight at her, Erin’s voice shook as the began to speak.

“Holtz-” she swallowed, looked down at Boltzmann and sighed, cutting herself off. A shaky breath from the girl beside her stopped Erin’s heart and she immediately turned directly to look at Holtzmann, who was still watching her with steady, understanding eyes.

And Erin realised in that moment that those eyes had always been there - watching, understanding, waiting. Not in a creepy way, just observing. When they first met, she’d felt the gaze on her back before she’d seen Holtz. In the Aldridge Mansion, Holtz had filmed her, seemingly more interested in filming her than the ghost they eventually saw. When she told Holtz and Patty the story of the old lady next door, Holtz had been watching in pure fascination.

She’d always looked at Erin in a way that made her feel like the only person in the room, but Erin had never realised it until now. She’d never even thought that Holtz might have a _crush_ on her, she just thought-

“Erin?”

“Hm?”

“You okay?”

“How long?”

“How long what?”

“How long have you liked me?”

Holtz visibly paled in the dim glow of the streetlights scattered around the park and Erin heard her swallow loudly.

“Holtz?”

“Since the start.” A tiny voice said, that Erin didn’t register as Holtzmann’s until a few moments later. There was a momentary silence before Holtz elaborated. “The first time I saw you, in the lab, you became real. Abby had told me about you, shown me the book, your work, your picture. I told her you were cute. She laughed it off and told me not to trust you. You turned up at the lab that day and you were _real_ . You became this living breathing human who lived up to everything Abby had said about you and everything I’d read about you and-” Holtz stopped herself, looked up into Erin’s eyes, then back down at her lap, “You and your tiny bowties and your impractical shoes and then your hoodies and your jeans and your _terrible_ dancing came into my life and turned it upside down.” Holtz’s voice was soft, quiet, but jarring - stopping and starting and strained. “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

The moon was bright but barely visible and the stars weren’t to be seen but when Holtz pitched her head up to look at the sky, she was reassured by the knowledge that they were out there. Deep, shaking breaths were forced into her lungs as she attempted to stay composed, but when she felt Erin’s cold fingers on the back of her neck and her other hand on her waist and Erin’s breath dangerously close to her face and Erin’s body move closer to hers, she forgot what breathing was. Her eyes returned from looking at the sky, to looking at the girl sat _oh so_ _close_ to her and then their lips met _oh so gently_ and Erin sighed _oh so softly_ and, for a moment, Holtz wanted to run away because, even though she’d kissed Erin before, it had never been so tender, so real. It had never felt quite like this.

Everything she’d felt since she’d first seen Erin in the flesh came rushing to the surface, her eyes stung with the beginnings of tears and she shut them, focusing on the kiss and trying to fight away the feelings she’d tried to pretend weren’t there. But when Erin moved her hand from her waist to her cheek and, breaking the kiss for a second that felt like an eternity, brushed Holtzmann’s shaking lips with her thumb, before they fell back together and maybe, _just maybe_ , the universe had always wanted them to find each other. It felt like since the Big Bang, everything that had happened - evolution and wars and deaths and births - was all in the making of this exact moment, this connection. And every step Holtzmann had ever taken, everything she’d survived, everything she’d messed up, every fight, every tear was all held so fondly in her memory now because if none of it had happened, she wouldn’t be here, right now, with Erin.

As Erin pressed her lips to Holtzmann’s lips one final time, before they dislocated, she swore she could feel _something_ radiating from Holtzmann, some feeling that she couldn’t identify. Their foreheads remained pressed together, neither of them dared to open their eyes, out of fear of breaking the moment. Their breaths fell shakily across each other’s lips. Their hands held still on each other’s cheeks.

A tear finally fell from Holtzmann’s eye, despite her desperate attempts to stop it, and rolled down her cheek and when Erin pressed their lips together again, she could taste the salt and her heart stuttered and stopped and every kiss she planted on the lips of the engineer was placed there with the express purpose of taking that tear and making it into something beautiful, so that every time Holtzmann cried from that moment on, the taste of salt in her mouth would be something that made her feel safe, that made her think of Erin. So that the taste of salt in her mouth would remind her of this moment. Each kiss was met by Holtz with a quiet desperation, a heart clenching _need_ to take each kiss and savour it and to remember _exactly_ how each kiss fell onto her lips, how they tasted in her mouth, like she was scared that she’d never feel this way again.

“ _Holtz_.” Erin whispered, voice wobbling ever so slightly and the way the word was formed in her mouth made Holtzmann feel as though everyone had been pronouncing her name wrong her whole life. It hung between their lips for a moment, before ascending to join the stars - invisible, but always present.

They dislocated and lay back, Erin’s head resting on Holtzmann’s chest, her leg draped over Holtzmann’s, her arm resting on Holtzmann’s torso and wrapped around Boltz who had curled up on Holtzmann’s stomach. Between them, a silence settled like dust after a storm, leaving the air clear but the memory of the thunderous, crashing, beautiful storm still lingered, stubborn and burned into both of their minds, replaying itself over and over as they just coexisted.

The sun rose reluctantly, hours later, setting the sky alight and bathing the city in an ethereal glow and Holtz looked down at Erin to find her sleeping, the sunlight falling over her body like a golden robe, like the gods that Holtz had never believed in had chosen Erin to be their body, to represent everything beautiful and mysterious and illogical in the universe because when Holtzmann’s eyes first saw the peace that absorbed Erin’s features suddenly a storm began inside her, crashing and fighting, her heart thundering and she was swimming in the sea in a lightning storm, electric jolting through her body, waves battering her from the inside and she couldn’t help but reach out and graze Erin’s face with shaking fingers in an illogical attempt to share in the peace and, already, she was begging the invisible stars _please,_ please don’t come out tonight. Because she wanted to spend a thousand moments more just looking at the way the sun fell with unabashed romantic affection on the face of the sleeping girl, she wanted the light to linger on Erin’s face as if she was divine, as if she was sacred. 

Her hand moved from Erin's face to tuck Erin's hair behind her ear and she wanted to freeze time right in that moment because right in that moment, Erin was at peace and they were together and there were no fights or doubts or problems. There was no judgement or hatred, only the all encompassing affection Holtzmann felt for the sleeping girl. Like the moment before a kiss, the magnetism of two pairs of lips hovering so close together but not quite touching, Holtzmann's heart danced and she wanted to squeeze Erin closer, to obey the magnets of their bodies, to be closer, closer,  _always_ closer. She pressed her lips down against Erin's hair and breathed in deeply, noting down everything she could see, smell, touch, feel because if she ever forgot this moment, or any moment from the night, she wasn't sure she could ever forgive herself because, whilst she had never believed in immortalising things which should only be temporary, whilst she never believed that things should last any longer than they're supposed to, she prayed to the universe that she would never forget this feeling of warmth and comfort and strength and weakness and fear and safety and-

“Be careful,” Holtz choked on the words as she whispered them into the silence, “I could fall in love with you so easily.” The moment the utterings left her lips, they disappeared but she couldn’t silence her thoughts - a tumble dryer spinning around and around and around with the five words she just couldn't bring herself to say.

_I think I already have._


	4. Background Noise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm so glad people are liking it so far; next chapter might be the sex chapter depending on whether you guys want it. Should smut happen or should I keep it PG? Opinions are greatly appreciated. Xx

“I could fall in love with you so easily” were the first words Erin heard that morning as she woke up, and she swore she could feel something else bubbling in Holtzmann’s throat but she wasn't sure what. So she kept still and felt the engineer’s steady breath falling softly on her hair, her thoughts racing, turning the words over and over and round and round and upside down and inside out in her mind.

She'd seen Holtzmann vulnerable for the first time, without flirtations or puns or science to protect her, and she'd never felt more connected to someone. Holtz made her feel special, safe, validated. The night before was played on repeat in her mind - the kiss, Holtzmann’s confession, falling asleep in Holtzmann’s arms - and a smile grew on her lips. She nuzzled her face against Holtzmann’s chest as she stretched her body out, opening her eyes and looking up at the engineer groggily.

“Morning, camper.” Holtz said with a huge smile.

“Mornin’.” Erin’s hand moved from Holtz’s stomach to her cheek momentarily, then two the back of her neck, pulling her down into a kiss. “Sleep okay?” She enquired and Holtz just smiled and nodded silently, unable to bring herself to lie to Erin, but reluctant to worry her. “I slept great. You're very comfy.” Erin muttered, and kissed her again.

Holtzmann had honestly never witnessed anything cuter than a sleepy Erin Gilbert and she wished they could stay there for longer but she saw her phone light up with a phone call for the fifth time that morning and knew they should get back to the lab. Pulling Erin into one final kiss, Holtzmann’s rational mind overcame her romanticism and she decided they’d leave when Abby called again.

Unfortunately, that was only moments later.

“ _Holtz! Where are you?_ ”

“Hmm?” Holtz muttered, groggily, then added, “At the park.”

“ _Is Erin with you?”_

 _“_ Yeah, why?”

There was a momentary silence, in which Holtzmann was sure she heard Patty say “we don’t need ‘em fuckin’ when we’re chasin’ ghosts” before Abby returned to the phone with, “ _Take the day off. Take Erin some place nice_.”

“I love you, Abs.”

“ _Love you too, nerd._ ” Then the line clicked off.

“What did she want?” Erin enquired, slowly sitting up, eyes squinting against the bright light of the morning.

“Just checking we were okay.”

“Mm’kay.”

“Um,” Holtzmann paused and Erin, sensing her hesitation, looked at her and smiled reassuringly, “we should probably get back to the lab. I’ve got, um,” she scratched the back of her neck and grimaced, thinking of an reason, “stuff to do.” She finished, gesturing vaguely.

“Let’s get coffee first.”

The two of them stood and walked together, not hand in hand (much to Erin’s dismay) but clos together, with shoulders touching and Erin’s bare, cold hands occasionally brushing against Holtzmann’s leather-clad ones. Boltz trotted along in front of them, tugging her lead occasionally when another dog passed them but generally behaving well. They didn’t speak, just existed in comfortable silence. Holtzmann ordered for both of them.

“An espresso and a,” she prolonged the ‘a’ as if she was thinking before continuing with, “medium skinny caramel cappuccino.” She said, with a smile that felt upsettingly familiar to Erin, leaning on the counter behind which there was a rather attractive barista and Erin felt jealousy bubbling inside her stomach. Part of her felt betrayed and part of her wasn’t surprised - she knew Holtzmann was a massive flirt, she knew Holtzmann was irrisistable, despite her _quirks_ , but part of her had hoped that she was special and that, _maybe_ , Holtzmann actually liked her. “Oh, really? I’m Holtzmann, but you can call me... later.” Erin’s head snapped up to find Holtzmann and the barista in fits of giggles. Cheeks burning, Erin looked from Holtz to the barista and back, trying to understand their hysterity.

“Erin, this is Kat, Kat, this is Erin.”

Erin nodded politely and Kat just grinned.

“Goggles told me all about you.”

“Oh really?” Hostility was dripping from Erin’s voice and both Kat and Holtzmann sensed it.

“Erin, Kat was a, uh, _friend_ of mine a few months back and I found out a few days after I snook out of her apartment whilst she was asleep that she works here. Bit awkward, really.”

“Just a bit.” Erin snapped.

“Don’t worry, I know my boundaries. She wouldn’t shut up about you on the date so I kinda knew that we weren’t going anywhere.” A reassuring smile from Kat and the feeling of Holtz’s hand gently placed on her lower back calmed Erin a little, before she was calmed completely by Holtz stepping close, so their sides were touching and kissing her cheek softly.

“She wasn’t that good.” Holtz whispered, jokingly, into Erin’s ear, but loud enough so that Kat could hear too.

“I’ll break your precious-” A tiny bark cut her off and she looked thouroughly confused until she leaned over the till to see Boltz jumping at the counter, as if she’d sensed that Holtz was being threatened and was trying to protect her. “Oh my god, he’s so precious.” Kat grinned and leant right over the counter, feet in the air on the other side, to reach Boltz and play with her. Then she added, “I’ll still break your toys.”

“Sure you will. And Boltz is a _her_.”

“Boltz as in Holtz with a B?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re so weird, I remember why I liked you.”

“Liked?”

Kat lifted an eyebrow and locked eyes with Holtz challengingly.

“Boltz as in Ludwig Boltzmann, as in the physicist, as in the developer of statistical mechanics.” Erin added, snapping both of them out of whatever had been going on between the pair. A second barista called their order and they claimed it and said goodbye to Kat before leaving, to which Kat responded with a very excitable, “Bye Goggles, bye Mrs. Goggles!” and an exaggerated wave. Erin was silent as they walked out and focused on her cup of coffee, finding the black Sharpie writing on the side just _fascinating._ “Dr. Gilbert.” She mused, aloud.

“What?”

“She wrote Dr. Gilbert on my cup.”

“Yeah, so?”

“You didn’t tell her my surname. You said ‘Kat, this is Erin’.”

“Ah.” Holtz was caught off guard and blushed bright red, suddenly finding her own cup equally as fascinating.  

“ _Holtzmann_ ,” Erin warned, “how does she know my name?”

“We went on a date. I ghosted her. Bumped into her at the coffee place. We talk sometimes when I need to-” Holtz cut herself off and shrugged, “talk.”

“You talk when you need to talk? Enlightening.”

“Guy talk. Locker room stuff,” Holtz made a gun with her forefinger and thumb, winked and said, “just lads being lads.” Erin snorted into her coffee. “Okay I can’t talk to Abby or Patty about you so I sometimes talk to her a little bit.”

“A little bit?”

“Most days.” Holtz admitted with a shrug as they reached the lab.

 

\---

 

The two worked quietly together, not really talking properly but occasionally making comments on each other’s equations or offering improvements to weapons. Whenever Holtzmann stood up to walk around (which she did frequently), her hand would brush Erin’s lower back, sending shivers throughout Erin’s body and causing her to blush a soft pink every time it happened, but she didn’t complain.

Because in those nanoseconds they were touching, a warmth grew from Erin’s heart and spread through every fibre of her being, a strange, contradictory warmth that sent shivers to her fingertips, gave her goosebumps, tightened the ever-growing knot in her gut and suddenly Erin forgot that goosebumps and shivers should be associated with the cold. Suddenly, Erin felt like from that moment on, even on the coldest winter days, the goosebumps that covered her arms would remind her of Holtz.

Whenever Holtzmann stood up, Erin knew that she was about to witness what, to her, was like the most exquisite art. She knew she was about to witness Holtzmann rolling her shoulders, tipping her head back and honest-to-God _groaning_ as she lifted onto her tiptoes, raised her arms above her head and stretched her back, causing her t-shirt to lift a little and expose her toned stomach for just a few seconds before she exhaled heavily and picked up the weapon she’d been working on from the table and tossing it between her two hands for a moment, before flopping onto the sofa and, with the most adorable pout on her face, turning it over and over, pressing buttons and frowning, before she eventually looked enthusiastic about _whatever_ and dashed back to her desk. This happened about five times in the space of half an hour, before she sighed, tossed the weapon to one side and pulled out a sketchbook that Erin had never seen before.

Holtzmann seemed unaware as she flicked through the pages, through detailed sketches of hands and eyes and lips and then full face sketches, but Erin couldn’t identify the person in the drawings, as Holtzmann had moved on through the book, through blank pages, to the back of the book where there was page after page of weapons sketches, bordered by equations and annotations in Holtzmann’s characteristic messy handwriting. She came to a page headed “Proton Claws” and covered in one large outline sketch that obviously wasn’t finished and surrounded by sketches of the same weapon at different angles. Erin’s gaze fell to Holtzmann’s hands as she pulled a pencil and a penknife out of her pocket and began to expertly sharpen the pencil into a point, then put away the blade, back in her pocket. Even the idea of moving her eyes from Holtzmann, now fully concentrated on the sketch, seemed impossible to Erin. The way Holtzmann made quick pencil strokes across the page, so confidently, following them with pauses, in which she turned the sketchbook to a different angle and tilted her head ever so slightly to the side as if trying to judge where the next line should be, or to check if the line she’d just drawn was right.

It was now, whilst she was drawing, that Holtzmann was completely still. It was the only time Erin had ever seen her still like this. No foot tapping, or dancing, or neck stroking. She was still, hunched over the beaten, black, leather-bound book, a strand of her hair falling into her face, fully concentrated on her sketch, as if one wrong pencil mark meant the world would explode. Erin found it funny but completely endearing that Holtzmann took more care with a pencil and paper than she did with actual, real life nuclear weapons.

Erin knew she was staring, knew she should be working, knew she shouldn’t be so _fascinated_ by the way Holtz’s pencil moved quickly across the paper, the way Holtz span the pencil in her hand to access the eraser, the way Holtz hesitated before erasing anything, then seemingly changed her mind and turned the pencil back. The way that, after a few minutes, Holtz placed the pencil down gently, stretched her fingers out, before picking up the pencil again and resuming drawing, completely unaware of how much that simple movement had set Erin’s thoughts racing, set Erin off thinking about how those deft, slender fingers would feel against her bare skin, tangled in her hair, pressed against her-

“You’re staring.” Holtzmann’s eyes didn’t move from the paper, she continued sketching as Erin blushed red.

“N-no.”

“Yes.”

“I was, uh, thinking.”

“Of course.” There was a silence before Holtz added, “Your calculations on the third line are wrong. You forgot to carry the three.”

“ _Damn_.” Erin muttered and turned to her board, only to find that there was nothing wrong with it, turning back to look at a grinning Holtzmann, whose eyes were still fixed on her drawing. “You motherfudger.”

“Fudger?”

“Fudger.”

“Okay Mrs. Hendrix.”

“Who?”

“Alison Hendrix. Orphan Black.” Holtzmann set her pencil down, shut the book and, leaning back in her chair, stretched her legs out, resting them on the desk. “Do your gay homework.”

“What would you rather I say?”

“Well, I’ve always been partial to a bit of swearing,”

“I noticed.” Erin retorted, before placing her whiteboard marker on the edge of Holtzmann’s desk and walked confidently (or what she thought looked confidently) over to the engineer. She leant down, so her mouth was _dangerously_ close to Holtzmann’s ear and whispered, “You _fucker_.” She didn’t expect it to have much of an impact, only expected Holtzmann to blush or jump, but when she heard a soft whimper fall from Holtzmann’s lips she couldn’t resist teasing the engineer a little more, so she straddled her and pressed their foreheads together, keeping their lips millimetres apart, denying Holtzmann the kiss that they both wanted so badly. Holtzmann’s legs dropped from the table to the floor and spread a little beneath Erin and her hands fell to rest on her waist.

“Dr. Gilbert what _are_ you doing?” Erin didn’t respond, but snaked her own hands into Holtz’s hair. “This is highly unprofessiona-” The end of the word trailed off into a breathy moan as Erin pulled Holtzmann’s hair roughly, rolling her hips at the same time for emphasis.

“Stop,” Erin breathed, pausing to take another breath and to try to control her libido, “talking.”

Holtzmann had to shut her eyes and take a wobbly breath to ground herself.

And ground herself was definitely the most accurate way she could describe what she was doing because, oh god, when Erin Gilbert’s eyes sparkled or she blushed or she smiled that goofy smile of her’s, Holtz was transported to outer space, where there was no gravity, no air, nothing but that picture of Erin, burned onto the walls of her brain. Looking at her felt like staring at the setting sun. Looking at her was the most beautiful form of torture - the light that your eyes can barely register as more than a white ball against a pink and peach backdrop. So beautiful, so entrancing. And when you look away, it’s burned onto your retinas and even when you blink, the lingering idea of that beauty that trapped your gaze remains and all other images melt into Erin Gilbert. But when Erin Gilbert was sat on top of her, fully in control and _loving it_ , Holtz was taken to somewhere that wasn’t even space. Somewhere that nobody had ever been, to the centre of the sun or onto a whole different astral plane entirely. Her body was there, below Erin, firmly pressed against the girl she was falling for more and more in every second, but her mind was elsewhere - not in that room, not even on the planet, but somewhere else where it was just them, some strange world where they were everything, where there was nobody else, where Erin was _hers_ and only hers, where there was no fear of Erin leaving or of her being more into it than Erin was. Where there was just _them_ ; entangled, wrapped in light, completely immersed in each other.

Her train of thought was interrupted by Erin rolling her hips again and Holtzmann cursed herself for not being able to control the gasps and moans and whimpers that were escaping her throat. She liked to stay calm, to stay in control, but, right now, she’d just about let Erin do whatever she wanted to her.

And it seemed that was what Erin intended to do.

The physicist smirked and stood and pulled Holtzmann up by her collar, pushing her against her desk and causing a few precariously placed metal objects to topple off it but Holtzmann didn’t care because before her brain even registered that they’d hit the floor, Erin’s lips were pressed against hers, _hard,_ like the first time they’d kissed but this time they found themselves wanting _more_ , but not just wanting sex. They found themselves wanting to feel each other, to feel connected, to press tentative fingers against hot skin and just explore, like tracing a route on a map, trekking through unmarked territory and discovering wonders, discovering soft, unmarked flesh, discovering new sounds that they’d elicit from each other, like two astronauts exploring space, _they_ would explore each other’s bodies as if they’d never touched anyone, or _seen_ anyone else. As layers of clothing were shrugged off, discarded over weapons or just thrown to the floor, their kisses grew softer, more tender. Holtzmann was sat on her desk, in just a t-shirt and boxers and Erin was nervously stood before her, still in jeans and a sweatshirt.

Reaching over slowly, her hands shaking, Holtzmann ran her fingers along the bottom hem of Erin’s sweatshirt and looked her in the eyes, before whispering, “c-can I?” She hated herself momentarily for stuttering, but when Erin nodded, their eyes locked together, she suddenly forgot about her nerves. Tentatively, she lifted her arms and, with them, the sweater, up and over Erin’s head before dropping it to the floor, completely distracted by Erin’s taught almost-but-not-quite abs, already beginning to try to map out every mole, every freckle that called Erin’s stomach home. Her shaking hands traced from Erin’s shoulders, down her sides, to rest on the waistband of her jeans, before using it to pull her closer, connecting their lips in a kiss that was hard and soft at the same time but filled, nonetheless, with a burning desire to be closer and a gentle reassurance. “You’re beautiful.” Holtz whispered, her breath hot on the physicist’s lips, her eyes shutting for a second, then opening and locking on Erin’s, hands running up and down Erin’s back slowly. And Erin blushed, shook her head and broke the eye contact, eyes falling to stare at her feet.

“ _Erin_ ,” Holtz murmured, using her forefinger to lift Erin’s chin and brushing her thumb over her lips briefly before gently replacing her thumb with her own lips, “ _my_ Erin.”

Erin felt Holtzmann’s body freeze beneath hers, she knew Holtz hadn’t meant to say that out loud, so she pressed her lips reassuringly against Holtz’s and smiled, before whispering, “ _yours._ ” Sliding off the desk and standing, pressed flush against Erin, Holtz placed a hand on the back of Erin’s neck and pulled her into a kiss before staggering, trying not to disconnect them, towards her bedroom. In the end, after they’d crashed into numerous nuclear devices, a table and the doorframe, they decided that for both their safeties, they should probably just walk there separately, which meant that when they reconnected, there were explosions in their hearts, blinding and deafening them to anything other than each other. That’s how they liked it. They were all they needed in that moment.

Everything else was just background noise.


End file.
